The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
