I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
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