I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
