2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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