i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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