i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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