i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
