Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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