i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
