i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
