I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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