Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
