I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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