i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
