i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
