Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
