There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
