You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
