If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
