I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
