Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
