Define "chronic" masturbator.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
