And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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