Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize