I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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