i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
