remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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