So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
