She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
