somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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