my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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