his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
