The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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