It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
