What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
