you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize