I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
