So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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