i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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