i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
