as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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