is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I deserve this hangover.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
