The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
