Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
