you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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