Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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