FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
