And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
