I can text with my tongue
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
