Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
