Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
