my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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