You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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