Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
