All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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