i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
