It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
