Umm I'm too high to move.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
well you can't waste a boner
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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