I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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