So drunk its hurt
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
