Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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