we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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