my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
