I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
