whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
