you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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