You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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