Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
