I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
