Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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