The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
