I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
