Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
