Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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