Already got asked if we're dating
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
