the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
