Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
