Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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