Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
BRING THE BAGELS
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
