She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
