yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
